Thoughts on turning forty
Oft in the stilly night, ere slumber’s chain has bound me,
Fond memories bring the light,
Of other days around me…
These lines did not make much sense at twelve years of age when i read them for the first time, in the English Language text book for grade grade seven, when the road ahead was full of delicious possibilities and the past was just a hazy collection of random and often unconnected pictures…like a jigsaw puzzle with just a few pieces in its place.
Today, after twenty-eight long, tumultous and often perplexing years, « other days » carry a whole new meaning…they represent a convex rear view mirror which has dwarfed the past but made it sharper and clearer in perspective, like all hind vision…
Four decades is a long time, a mini-lifetime, the zenith of youth has been reached and life has begun its slow slide towards the evening years. The word ‘youthful’ shall now be slowly phased out and other polite but less flattering adjectives will be taking its place. Faces will crinkle a bit more and fine lines will become more pronounced…stamina will wane if appropriate attention is not given to the upkeep of the temple that houses the soul…Whew, forty is surely a difficult time to behold.
What’s in a number some would say, and perhaps, for the first time, i concede to agree. There is nothing in a number and nothing has perceptibly changed from what i felt at thirty-nine or thirty five maybe. Yet, the sound of the number forty is formidable to be entirely honest…
Forty is when the children, if one has chosen to have any, are someway between childhood and adolescence..(though it is delightful to see a range- some friends’ children blossoming into young men and women while some friends are enjoying parenthood at a slightly later time and indulging their first or second borns as toddlers).
Forty is when the ‘twenty-four-seven’ vigilance of motherhood has relegated to maybe twelve-seven…
Forty is when one has reached enough seniority in the workplace to be a boss for an admirable number of people, or when the business one started at thirty has matured and is giving good returns, or when one is poised to take off once again after a long hiatus when the only focus of life was bringing up children- for reasons personal or practical…
Forty is a time when marriage has gone beyond its seven year itch and survived in an alternate avatar, or become a habit like a lot of things do when their novelty and at times utility is a thing of the past, or, in some cases, it has become a memory of things past.
Seldom , and for some lucky ones, forty is a time to fall in love once again…and a time to renew faith in that crazy little thing called love…effervescent, evanescent yet, ethereal…
But most of all, forty is a time to reconnect with the past…
My most fond memory of turning forty is the way i celebrated my birthday earlier this year..surrounded by friends who i had found after two decades of not being in touch…of receving phone calls and text messages all day and having a tough time trying to repeat the same things again and again..but loving it all the same. Turning forty with the same people with whom i celebrated my twentieth birthday was a joy that i find dificult to describe…
After years of living in a cocoon, where a new marriage and children and career take priority for many years, an emptiness begins to be felt. The best friend from school, the confidante from college, the sensitive fieldwork partner one met during a training program, the sweet colleague at the first job..the girls and guys with whom we shared a late night cup of tea while slogging it out for an overdue paper..the shy neighbour at the long ago coaching class..all come to mind in a sudden spark..and the need to reconnect takes over…
And if, like me, one is lucky enough to trace and reconnect…life becomes beautiful again…and complete. The lost friendship takes on different hues and catching up on the many intervening years makes it a little like living it all over again..this time with the friends in tow…
Forty, then ,with all its heartbreaks, learnings and hindsight, with all its regrets and joys and sorrows, with all its challenges and finality of purpose…is a beautiful age to behold…
Fond memories bring the light,
Of other days around me…
These lines did not make much sense at twelve years of age when i read them for the first time, in the English Language text book for grade grade seven, when the road ahead was full of delicious possibilities and the past was just a hazy collection of random and often unconnected pictures…like a jigsaw puzzle with just a few pieces in its place.
Today, after twenty-eight long, tumultous and often perplexing years, « other days » carry a whole new meaning…they represent a convex rear view mirror which has dwarfed the past but made it sharper and clearer in perspective, like all hind vision…
Four decades is a long time, a mini-lifetime, the zenith of youth has been reached and life has begun its slow slide towards the evening years. The word ‘youthful’ shall now be slowly phased out and other polite but less flattering adjectives will be taking its place. Faces will crinkle a bit more and fine lines will become more pronounced…stamina will wane if appropriate attention is not given to the upkeep of the temple that houses the soul…Whew, forty is surely a difficult time to behold.
What’s in a number some would say, and perhaps, for the first time, i concede to agree. There is nothing in a number and nothing has perceptibly changed from what i felt at thirty-nine or thirty five maybe. Yet, the sound of the number forty is formidable to be entirely honest…
Forty is when the children, if one has chosen to have any, are someway between childhood and adolescence..(though it is delightful to see a range- some friends’ children blossoming into young men and women while some friends are enjoying parenthood at a slightly later time and indulging their first or second borns as toddlers).
Forty is when the ‘twenty-four-seven’ vigilance of motherhood has relegated to maybe twelve-seven…
Forty is when one has reached enough seniority in the workplace to be a boss for an admirable number of people, or when the business one started at thirty has matured and is giving good returns, or when one is poised to take off once again after a long hiatus when the only focus of life was bringing up children- for reasons personal or practical…
Forty is a time when marriage has gone beyond its seven year itch and survived in an alternate avatar, or become a habit like a lot of things do when their novelty and at times utility is a thing of the past, or, in some cases, it has become a memory of things past.
Seldom , and for some lucky ones, forty is a time to fall in love once again…and a time to renew faith in that crazy little thing called love…effervescent, evanescent yet, ethereal…
But most of all, forty is a time to reconnect with the past…
My most fond memory of turning forty is the way i celebrated my birthday earlier this year..surrounded by friends who i had found after two decades of not being in touch…of receving phone calls and text messages all day and having a tough time trying to repeat the same things again and again..but loving it all the same. Turning forty with the same people with whom i celebrated my twentieth birthday was a joy that i find dificult to describe…
After years of living in a cocoon, where a new marriage and children and career take priority for many years, an emptiness begins to be felt. The best friend from school, the confidante from college, the sensitive fieldwork partner one met during a training program, the sweet colleague at the first job..the girls and guys with whom we shared a late night cup of tea while slogging it out for an overdue paper..the shy neighbour at the long ago coaching class..all come to mind in a sudden spark..and the need to reconnect takes over…
And if, like me, one is lucky enough to trace and reconnect…life becomes beautiful again…and complete. The lost friendship takes on different hues and catching up on the many intervening years makes it a little like living it all over again..this time with the friends in tow…
Forty, then ,with all its heartbreaks, learnings and hindsight, with all its regrets and joys and sorrows, with all its challenges and finality of purpose…is a beautiful age to behold…
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